By Executive Director John Yoder

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Misunderstandings are a guaranteed outcome of partnering across cultures. Neither partner thinks like the other. Neither may understand the other’s genuine motives. Such misunderstandings can lead to open conflict. But more frequently, they lead to long-term dissatisfaction with one another. How can Christian leaders manage such tensions? Let me suggest seven practical steps forward.

1. Distinguish cultural preferences from biblical absolutes. The Bible never says, “You shall begin your meetings punctually”. Nor does it say, “You shall not begin your meetings until everyone is present”. These are both deeply held cultural values. But neither has biblical authority, and neither should be upheld as a universal standard.
2. Spend relaxed time together with your partner. If you only talk when you have problems, then your entire relationship will be about problems. When ministry leaders spend relaxed time together, they build bonds of mutual affection that outweigh the tension of their cultural differences.
3. Ask questions and listen. Many pastors are well-aware of their cultural preferences and can articulate them clearly. What is obvious to them may not be to others. Openly discussing our differences leads to clear mutual understanding.
4. Ask an educated cultural insider. Refugees and others from less-literate cultures may not be able to articulate their cultural distinctives. Like fish swimming in water, to them it’s just “the way things are”. It may be helpful to find to find a college-educated person who understands both cultures, and can help both sides understand each other.
5. Ask their children. The children of first-generation immigrants are masters at code-switching between their parent’s cultures and the surrounding American culture. They may be adept at providing both language translation and cultural interpretation. But tread carefully. Young people may wish to preserve their parents’ honor. Asking them to reveal the perceived weaknesses of their parents’ culture may place them in an awkward position. It may be safer to ask someone unconnected with your ministry, than to ask the children of your partners.
6. Explicitly spell out the differences. Couples who use personality inventories such as the Myers-Briggs gain helpful insights into their spouse’s behavior by understanding who is an introvert or extrovert, a thinker or a feeler. In the same way, it's helpful to clearly articulate how both cultures regard time management, directness in conflict, authority structures, and more. Let’s say that two churches with very different perspectives on time work together. When conducting its own events, church A begins and ends promptly. Church B maintains a more relaxed view of time. But when both churches work together, they should agree to some sort of jointly created “A-B culture” regarding time management. Such an A-B culture recognizes that the preferences of both sides have meaning and value.
7. Give yourself space to function exclusively in your native language and culture. Speaking and listening in a second language can be mentally exhausting. It can be equally exhausting to dialogue across cultures. People of any culture are more relaxed when working with others who think like they do. If you spend a lot of time functioning across cultures, it can be a welcome “sabbath break” to function with those who share your native view of the world.