Faith, Feelings, and My F-150, episode 2: Our Emotional God
It was difficult for Alex to begin dealing with his anger toward his alcoholic and abusive father. For one thing, Alex didnât pay much attention to feelings in the first place. His feelings toward his father were quite unpleasant, and he preferred to simply avoid them. Plus, in the Russian church it was looked down upon to talk about the problems of oneâs parents. Children were expected to always honor their father and mother, and that meant never discussing anything hurtful they may have done. It was assumed that Christians are responsible to just forgive and forget the ways their parents may have hurt them.
There was another barrier for Alex as he began dealing with his angerâthe belief that facts, not feelings, are the vital foundation of the Christian faith.
One morning as he sat with Natasha at the breakfast table, he said, âYou know, Pastor Petrov always reminds us that we need to hold onto the truth of Godâs Word when things get tough. Our feelings come and go with the wind, but Godâs truth remains forever. When things get bad, we shouldnât focus on our fears, but on the promises of God. Weâre supposed to rejoice in everything. Pastor says when we grow in faith, our feelings will line up with the truth of Godâs Word.â
Natasha was exactly the wise and supportive wife Alex needed. She said, âYeah, that is what pastor says. And heâs right. When I get all flustered and stressed out, I need to remember that God is in control.
âBut sometimes our feelings take over. You said that sometimes our feelings come and go with the wind. Is that what your anger toward your dad is like?â
Alex knew better. Heâd been angry at his father since childhood. He did his best to forgive what his father had done to him in the past. But when he saw the way his father continued to verbally abuse his beloved mother Vera, he couldnât let go.
Some days were better than others. When Alex was busy at work or church, he was totally focused. But that anger toward his father was always there, waiting for a quiet time to pop up.
He replied to Natasha, âYouâre right. This anger toward my dad has been around for years. I need to do something about it. But it doesnât seem right to me to spend time dealing with emotions when itâs the truth of Godâs Word that matters most.â
Natasha knew her husband very well. She knew he was right about facts being more important than feelings. But she also knew he was stuck. She said, âYou know, as Iâve been reading my Bible, Iâve been noticing that God has a lot of feelings. Sometimes Jesus was happy, and other times he was sad or angry. How about this? When I find verses in the Bible about the emotions of God, Iâll text them to you. If nothing else, this will help you understand that God âgets itâ when you feel a certain way.â
Alex really appreciated the way Natasha texted him. She knew that when he was doing construction work, he was 100% absorbed in what he was doing. When he got a quick text from her with something as simple as âI love youâ, it really picked up his mood. Sometimes she would text him encouraging Bible verses as well. He knew Natasha was a good student of the Bible. So he thought this was a really good idea.
Natasha began texting him daily verses right away. The first several verses werenât much of a surprise to Alex. They affirmed what he had known about God all along.
GOD IS COMPASSIONATE Matthew 9:36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
GOD IS MERCIFUL Isaiah 63:9 In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them; in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.
This part was easy enough to understand. People should be loving because they are created in the image of a loving God.
GOD IS EMPATHETIC John 11:33â35 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, âWhere have you laid him?â They said to him, âLord, come and see.â Jesus wept.
Alex knew intellectually that people grieve when they face losses. But so much of his emotional energy was channeled into anger at his father, that it was hard for him to be empathetic with others who were facing loss.
Alex was moved by Jesusâ example in this story. When Jesus saw the deep grief of family members at a funeral, he was also moved with grief. He felt their pain. He understood their loss. He didnât preach or tell them to cheer up because their loved one was in a better place. He wept. Alex knew it was a long time since he cried over someone elseâs loss.
GOD FEELS ANGER Romans 1:18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men.
Alex didnât struggle with this verse. He knew that his dad deserved punishment for everything he had done to his family. He knew others who should be held accountable for the hurt they had caused. Alex didnât want a lenient God who looks the other way and lets people do whatever they want. He wanted people to understand God for who he truly isâmerciful to those who repent, but vengeful toward those who do not.
The next verse Natasha texted Alex really caught his attention.
GOD IS PROTECTIVE Matthew 18:6 Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
Wow. Alex had read this verse many times before, but hadnât really thought about it. God was talking about adults who cause harm to children. Alex knew that compared to others he had it easy. He knew people who fled their homelands as children because of war. Some fled on foot for hundreds of miles, before spending years in refugee camps. Some had seen their parents murdered or raped.
There were others who grew up in the US who experienced physical abuse like he did. Others were sexually abused. Many of them were abused by members of the church. That made them struggle to trust God or the church. Alex had heard resentful young people ask, âWhere was God when I was being abused?â
Alex wondered the same thing. Why didnât God stop his fatherâs violent rage? Why wasnât God stopping what his mother was experiencing right now? Does God even care?
This verse answered those questions. God is watching over every one of his children. When Christ returns, those who have harmed children will suffer fate worse than being tossed into the sea with a rock tied around their neck.
The abusers never get away with it. Even if nobody else was there to see it, God was there. He doesnât need any evidence or witnesses. He knows what happened. And he will punish those who harm children.
This helped Alex see the depth of the love God has toward children who suffer. Even when the scars of the past linger into adulthood, God is deeply compassionate toward them.
The next verse Natasha texted him went a step further.
GOD IS PATERNAL Psalm 27:10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.
Alex always knew he was mad at his father. But he tried his best to not be mad at his mother. After all, she was an abuse victim too, and she faced the worst of it. But she was still an adult. She could have done something to try to stop what her husband did to his children. She could have called the police, or the pastor, or somebody.
But she didnât. Time after time, Alex saw his mother make excuses to Viktorâs employer why he would be late to work again.
He didnât want to admit he was angry with his mother, but he was. He had conflicted feelings. On the one hand, he wanted to protect her from his dadâs abuse. Once his dad passed away, he hoped she would move into their basement apartment, where they could care for her. On the other hand, he was disappointed with the way she kept making excuses for his dadâs violent behavior.
While Alexâ parents provided for him financially, he realized neither of them were there for him emotionally. Neither of them had the emotional bandwidth to let their children know they were valued and protected. Thatâs why this verse from Psalms touched a chord in his heart: âFor my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.â Alex knew how much he had grown through the love Natasha and other mature Christians had shown him. But he never really thought about God being present to make up the love he craved growing up.
The next verse Natasha texted Alex really lifted his spirits.
GOD IS JOYFUL Luke 10:21 In that same hour he rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said, âI thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding, and revealed them to little children.â
Sometimes Alex found it difficult to move into a spirit of celebration during worship at church. The music was fine, but Alex often found himself distracted, or rotating between joy and frustration.
What caught Alexâ attention about this verse was that Jesus didnât need everything to go right for him to be joyful. God was revealing himself to little children. But at the same time, he was not revealing himself to well-educated adults. Jesus refused to let his joy be diminished because not everybody believed. Some believed. If others chose not to, Jesus was still going to be joyful.
Reading these verses was helpful for Alex. He was learning that Godâs emotional nature ran very deep, so ours should too. Listening to an audiobook on dealing with grief wasnât a waste of time. It was something that would help Alex grow. He looked forward to listening to Laurenâs audiobook.
The next text Alex received wasnât from Natasha, but from his mother Vera. âIâm at the hospital. Your father just passed away.â
That wasnât unexpected. Alexâ father had been very sick for some time. But that meant soon his brother Nikolai and sister Alena would need to come together for a memorial service. None of them had much good to say about their father. None of them had particularly bonded with each other. It would be an awkward service for all of them. Whatever Alex was learning about loss, he was going to need it for that service.
